...I warned you.
I've been dreaded returning to get my annual gynecological exam because last year's was such a slap in the face. I don't even know if I wrote about it and now, almost a year later, I'm willing to accept my part in the fallout but, still, jeez, read my freaking chart Doc.
Let me back up.
Like every year you go in and they give you a sheet of paper to fill out. And it inevitably asks questions like do you have children, what form of birth control do you use, do you want children. And even though I've jumped off the Reproductive Endocrinologist highway, if you ask me if I still want children, I'M GOING TO CHECK THE BOX. Am I not supposed to check the box?
Because even though I was 42 years old, overweight, already had 2 operations for infertility related conditions, had 10 IUIs, have 2 new fibroids, the largest measuring 4cm, and had my appendix disintegrated by endometriosis, when my Gyn walked in the room she started talking to me about how IVF was an option to me if I wanted to have a baby. She didn't even throw in donor eggs, it was just, oh you want to get pregnant, well, geez, you really should, you know. I walked out of there stunned and a little pissed off. Later I expressed to Brian that I think there's some sort of marketing/referral thing, the company is ginormous and I can't help but think there's an IVF clinic tied in there somewhere. And I recognize it's kind of my fault for checking the "do you want children" box. But this year do I have to make myself not check the box? It's a little heartbreaking. I wish the box said, "Have you exhausted all attempts at medically treating infertility?" Yes, the answer is ab-so-fucking-lutely yes.
And the thing is I need to talk to my doctor. I'm not ready to roll in there with a quiet pap smear and get out of there. I'm having real problems and every time I bring it up, this will be the third time, I get the brush off. I was told the first time, when it becomes a problem then we need to address it. It ate my appendix, obviously it's a problem!
The past few periods I've had on the second day I have been experiencing a new kind of period pain. I get this sharp pain in my lower left side that's so bad I have real trouble standing up and I usually yelp in pain. Each time it happens I consider going to the emergency room, it's that bad. I'm in pain for about a day, maybe as little as 8 hours or so, and then the next day I'm back to my normal regular awful period pain. The can only assume it's endometriosis or a really bad fibroid (worse than I've ever had). I want someone to talk to me about having a hysterectomy.
I want to know why I wouldn't want to have a hysterectomy. If any of my readers have had a hysterectomy and can give me some information, I would be very grateful. I know hormones are an issue, how big of an issue are they? Are they more of an issue than these terrible periods I'm having? The last time I discussed this they mentioned Lupron and I don't want to go on Lupron. I think having another myomectomy would be counter-intuitive at this point and I don't want ablation, I've heard it's painful and doesn't always work. Why is hysterectomy not on everyone's radar? Why is it never mentioned? Is it because of the box? Because I think everybody should know what you want isn't always in the cards and I'm okay accepting that but I still want to check the box.