Friday, August 01, 2014

Truth

I've been putting off this post for a while but I didn't want to confuse anyone so I just wanted to let you guys know the adoption with the boys didn't work out.  I don't want to get into the specifics about it due to privacy issues and not knowing who reads my blog but I will say the boys were great kids, it had nothing to do with them, but they were way more than I could handle, Brian was and still is crazy about them, but we are on the same page about our decision. 

We are still pursuing foster/adoption, I think one kid is the way to go for me, which is hard in the foster care world because most kids come with siblings.  I've thought about this so much and continue to think on it daily.  The one thing I realized in our experience is if for some reason this doesn't work out, I'm okay with it.  I have a new peace with my infertility.  That said I hope it does work out for us, I still long for the proper placement for us, I hope it will happen.

I've been putting off writing about it because I feel a lot of guilt (though trust me, relief trumps all) and I don't need a bunch of judgement regarding it.  It's really hard to know someone's experience unless you walk in their shoes.  We are all very different people.  What you can handle, I may not be able to handle, and the same in reverse.  This was the best way to go, all things considered, it happened on our first overnight so nothing was drawn out, they never lived with us, the trauma, I'm not saying it's not there, but I think it's minimal.  I've been turning down placements since then because the last thing I want to do is falter again and nothing has hit me with YES I can do that forever (one did but a different placement was found).  That said, if we get the right call, I'm in it 100%, and I really hope that opportunity comes along.

9 comments:

  1. Knowing your limitations is not failure. Hugs, I am sure that it was (and continues to be) a very difficult decision to make. Just because it was the right one doesn't really make it hurt less.

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  2. I know it must have been a tough decision for you and it's brave to be true to what you know in your heart when there's so much momentum in the other direction. There's a child out there who will be a better fit with your family; I hope you find each other soon. :)

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  3. The match has to be the right one for the child and the parents for an adoption to be successful. Recognizing your needs and limitations isn't a failure, it's simply setting the stage for success when the right fit comes along.

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  4. That must have been a very difficult and stressful time for you both. The thing is, toddlers are relentless, and a pair of toddlers, when you haven't years of experience of those specific toddlers, must be doubly, tripley, relentless. I hope things work out better next time, it sounds like you know what is best for you both.

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  5. Thank you for sharing this. You did what was best for you all and there is no shame in that. Here's to knowing yourself and moving forward.

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  6. A child is both a daily commitment and a life long commitment, and you are exactly right, for the best interest of all, have to find a really good fit. Foster (to adopt) kids can hold very unique challenges because of their histories and sometimes their health/abilities. You are very smart to move very cautiously and slowly. I think it would also be very hard to go from 0 to 2. I can see that sibling sets would be what is out there/available, but that would be a very tough adjustment.

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  7. Babe. It took me months to get adjusted to one 6 month old. Months!!!!! I was ready when she was 3 to take on a one year old. Even so, I will never forget the panic attack I had that first Saturday morning. Also I had the LR and den. I had the wall knocked out so they had a room to play and we also had the den. 2 new toddlers in a smaller house at once...no way. NO WAY!!!!!!!! It will happen.

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  8. Years ago I had a Feeling. My Feelings are intense. I'm usually right. I said, B & L will have one infant son. And it will be great. My box of books is in the storage house waiting to be delivered. I was kind of sad because I knew you'd love the ponytails & smocked dresses but that is over by age 5. It's all jeans & tshirts & skateboards and soccer and long hair clogging up the drain and hormones and my mom's craftique bed has a skull & crossbones comforter on it.

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    1. Haha. I've had this dream for many years of an African-American girl with a poofy pony tail on the top of her head. My mom about a month ago had a similar dream. Spooky! (She was apparently a very girlie-girl though ;-) )

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