Sunday, August 11, 2013

Updated News

Way on back in May Brian and I finally made a decision to pursue Foster/Adopt.  Do not get too excited just yet.  This is a long process and I'm not sure what's even going to happen.  It could have the potential to be outstanding but it could also be a lot of work for nothing.  I wasn't even going to mention it here but I've been thinking about it and I think it would be good to have a record.  Maybe someone will find me who wants information on what it's like.  I don't know, I wish I could find more information.  People get very hush-hush during the adoption process.

So to catch you up, let's give you a quick rundown to the present.  We met with a social worker at our house on May 14.  He answered any questions that we had and gave us an initial application.  He took some notes on us and told us he would get back with us about this class we have to take.  The application would have been pretty quick.  I had to list some financial stuff that took a little while but the hard part was we needed 3 references who weren't family members.  So we had to contact our friends to see if they would be our references.  This took a couple days to have returned phone calls and addresses and so forth.  Everyone was really happy to help.  I mailed off the application and a week later I got confirmation that the package was received and something was being sent to our references, just so you know, they check those out.  One June 10 we were told the class dates for this quarter and they unfortunately inferred with our annual vacation to the Adirondacks.  Bummer.  We had a whole extra quarter to wait for the class.

August 7 we had another meeting at our house.  This one we were given an outline for our Life Story and given forms to bring for fingerprinting, that we will probably do next week.  More questions were answered.  Looks like the next class in the beginning of October.  Waiting and more waiting.

I started working on my outline and jeez, it's really hard.  I'm (obviously) an over-sharer but I don't think the point here is to share every terrible thing that ever happened to you.  Maybe it is.  I feel like everyone has had bad things happen to them in their childhood.  Certainly no one's childhood was perfect?  Was it?  Brian's life isn't picture perfect but on paper his is much better than mine.  He has older siblings that he can use for most influential people and worst memories things like getting a broken leg.  I don't have that kind of stuff.  Every member of my family has made catastrophic errors in my upbringing.  I made it out fine, I'm a good person all and all, and relatively happy all things considered.  But how do I talk about who influenced me when I don't feel influenced by them and I'm not like any of them.  Oh sure, I have traits, lots of them, but fundamentally I would never do the things my parents have done, the decisions they have made, and the way they treated me.  I don't hold grunges, but I've got this stupid question and I have no idea how to answer it without looking like I had the worst childhood ever.  So anyway, I answered everything and am waiting to go back and revisit it where I can mold it into something prettier.

I mean is my childhood going to hold me back from being a mom?  How much does it influence the kind of mom I will be?  I don't feel like it would but why have questions like these?

13 comments:

  1. Do you have any teachers or coaches or someone like that who influenced you as a young person? Maybe going in a different direction like that will make answering the question a little easier. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys - you will be outstanding parents!

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    1. I wish I did have a teacher or coach. No one stands out to me. I was never involved in sports and my gymnastics or ballet classes were for my benefit, I certainly wasn't standing out. I can't remember one teacher up until high school, the classes were always overcrowded and I never had interactions with my teachers that I can remember. I asked Brian who influenced him the most and he said his sister because she played the same sports that he did. Maybe I'm overthinking it, trying to determine who made me who I am and instead I should be thinking who has the same likes as me.

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  2. I have been following you for the past 7 years right from tales of a bathroom scale. You will make an outstanding mother! Go for it. All the very best!

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  3. I have been following you from your tales of the bathroom scale days. You will truly be an outstanding mother primarily because you have so much love to give and you have tried so hard to achieve it. Don't let the paperwork bog you down. Go for it! You will be in my prayers. Lots of love. Priya

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    1. Thanks Priya. That's very sweet.

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  4. Your family influenced you by showing you how you don't want to be. Capitalize on that by showing how you intentionally chose to be different. (I am in grad school in Social Work. People who overcome life obstacles are seen favorably.)

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    1. Hi Lynna, your comment was very helpful. I was hoping a social worker or future social worker would chime in.

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  5. Just finished the adoption process in January for our bub, and trust me, you are totally over thinking it. I spent a MONTH AND A HALF writing and over thinking my "life story". Seriously, your SW needs it pick out a few hilights to put in your homestudy. Less than 10% ends up in the homestudy. And as my SW said, they WANT to find good families for kids - they are not LOOKING for reasons to disqualify you - I promise she was right!!

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    1. Thanks Rebeckah, our social worker has sort of said this and I think it's true.

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    2. If you have any questions at all - feel free to shoot me an email :) Even though we did international there are many many similarities.

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  6. Have you read Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos? It chronicles her experience with infertility and the foster/adoption process. It's an excellent book and has some great pointers for navigating the process.

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    1. Hey Rachel, I heard about Nia Vardalos's book a while back but after your comment I purchased it on itunes and read it in a couple of days. I wish she had more on the ACTUAL process, like home study is like this, your life story is like this, you interviews are like this... but it was still very helpful to me. If anything, the message is though rejection is all around you, stick it out and it just may work out for you.

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  7. I think you'll make a super mom!!!! My best advice--don't over-think it. The social worker are going to see how awesome you and Brian are and how much love you have for a little boy or girl!!! Good luck and I love this new chapter in your lives!

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