Thursday, July 25, 2013


I think it was walking the 4 blocks back to the subway station in DC after visiting the zoo in 6000 degree heat and a blister broke on my pinky toe and it felt like my toe was on fire and each step felt like when you poke a fire and the embers rise up and I imagined all the dead terrible people in the world living on my toe because that certainly was hell and I didn't think I was going to make it but after the subway ride and the 2 blocks back to the hotel (I know I'm a baby, but the zoo was big and hilly and hot) where I limped the whole way and finally could investigated what the hell I did to my toe and saw a blister that covered about 80% of my toe, my life started falling apart a little bit.

Two weeks later we went on vacation and we hadn't recovered financially from the (mostly work related) DC trip but it was one of those things where we just had to suck it up.  And thing are slowly improving financially but I when people say money doesn't give you happiness, I don't think they ever owned a small business.  They don't really know what the waves and crashes of finances can do to a person (or family).

Between that and the insuffering heat of both upstate New York (I expected more from you NY!) and home where it felt like I was in a sauna coming home from Walgreens last night, the weather is sweating, the physical toll is driving me crazy.  The stress ills make my stupid inferno blister feel like a cake walk to migraines and incurable women ails.  I think the stress will peak this weekend when I drive my mom to Florida to visit her aging parents and I have no idea how it's going to go but something like my mom trying to give me directions when she can't even drive herself to Florida because she would accidentally end up in Colorado (are there supposed to be mountains in Florida?).  I have tried to memorize the directions because between her telling me I'm going the wrong way and trying to get my stupid iphone to recognize where the hell I am, I think I might jump out and get shot by some neighborhood watchman who thinks I'm the abominable snowman.

I also don't want her to cry everyday.  I don't know how to not sound like an ass but my brain works in a way that I want to think that next year we'll be making this same trip to see my grandparents and everything is okay.  I don't know what I'm walking into with health issues, the strange thing about my family is you can't get a straight answer.  It could be anything from my grandmother making chocolate chip cookies with a pretty apron on to being bed ridden on a hospital bed and a catheter.  What I'm told is "she has good days and bad days." WTF does that mean????

In my mind my mom is giving me a hard time about directions, the music is bad, and she's smoking too much but the hotel is awesome, and she doesn't ask me for money (one less person to owe), we hang out at my grandparents' pool and cook spaghetti and brownies and I get a tan and finish my book and then she gives me a hard time about directions on the way home.  But I have no idea what's really going to happen and until I do I don't think I'll ever feel better.

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