Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Still

I don't know what this place is supposed to be anymore.  It started as a story of triumph in daily reflection and kick-assery.  I miss those days and I know I can never have that same experience again.  Then it became even more, something I was proud of and excited of, a depth of honesty and insight, any person would be crazy to do these days.  And now...?

I have no idea.  No earthly idea.  I just miss the way it used to be when I knew I had direction or I knew what I wanted to say.

Brian was telling me the other day how my mom decorates too much.  We saw her car at the Pier One parking lot.  To put this in context you'd have to know all my mom does is talk about money, her lack of money, and what on earth will she do when she runs out of money.  The rest of the time she talks about how she spends money and the justifications, the necessity, the "investment."  I get frustrated with her about it, mostly because Brian's right, I can see myself in her when it comes to this sort of thinking.  He said, "You constantly have to be doing something and when you run out of something to do you want to change something that's perfectly fine."

I thought I was just doing what the majority of the blogs I read do, decorate their houses, but it's kind of stumped me and left me still, which of course makes the world circle around me in a dizzying way.  I thought I had linear movement when it comes to decorating, I thought I was doing something worthy that gives me IMMENSE joy.  But besides the internet (and my mom) I don't know anyone else who constantly buys things to fix up the house, constantly wants to change the house, constantly has the next project ready to go.  People buy sofas and hang pictures (usually too high) and then leave it like that for 20 years. 

HGTV is my ESPN.  I watch it when I'm not even watching it.  If what I do is wrong how do I reverse it?  And then what will I do with my time?  The weirdest part of the whole thing is I don't even share my projects here and that's what I was supposed to do.  Why haven't I posted anything of worth since the move.  Even when we moved I did a pretty lackluster job of putting that on my blog.  And now I feel kind of embarrassed about it.

7 comments:

  1. I'm sorry that you are feeling down about this. I know what it is like to compare yourself to your mother and feel like you may be replicating some of the things that drive you crazy about her. But you are right--this is your hobby and you shouldn't feel bad about it. What joy would there be in life if we can't do the things that we love? Don't feel like you have to have a specific direction for this blog, either. Write whatever you feel like and if this place starts feeling like a chore, then stop. No need to waste your time worrying about it. I have been reading you (and rooting for you) since your first blog and love hearing about whatever you choose to share. Thank you for your honesty and keep doing what ou love.

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  2. I don't think there's anything wrong with your decorating. it is a hobby, and it brings you happiness. I've never once questioned it or thought it was weird, in all your years of blogging.

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  3. Thanks you guys. I seem to really be having a crappy week and everything seems affected. I just really wish I could get this blog going and on a steady track. I honestly don't know how other people do it.

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  4. What I've learned in MY many years of blogging is that there's a time and a place for it -- when I'm not in the right zone, writing is painful. Usually that pain is caused by inaction in my life (ie, nothing to write about). BUT, I've only ever been a weight loss/ running blogger, so there ain't much to say when I'm sitting on my butt. :-)

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  5. My blog buddy, Laurie, decorates and DIYs day in/day out, too - you two are kindred spirits. She blogs at Little Blue Chairs http://www.littlebluechairs.com/ and I love her to pieces, as I do you, too!

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  6. Lori, hon, ((((((hug)))))) I have been slowly buying cheap already done cross stitch and finding beat up old frames at thrift shops and putting together some gorgeous stuff that looks very expensive. I have an idea for a major profitable etsy shop for you. Go to etsy and google anthropologie curtains. Several people are making those gorgeous pleated curtains and selling them for a fortune. So few people know how to sew these days. The velvet pleated ones from anthropology are not being done. Anthropolgy is selling them for like 300-400 window or French door/sliding glass door.

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  7. Also have you seen Katie Rose Cottage? Darling shabby chic totes. People are buying OLD PAINT BRUSHES (I nearly fainted). Stuff sells out before I get the post announcing something else has been posted. The lady who runs it just became a grandmother and might need some help. They cannot keep their front page stocked with inventory for heavens sake. I slowly refinish furniture - apparently Greyhound shipping is not too expensive. Redone chandeliers, Cheap cross stitch in thrift shop frames spray painted white or gold. I have even started to try some mosaic art. We stayed at a beach condo that was very mininimist, obvs she does not leave expensive stuff there. Some gorgeous pottery. My bil is selling glass necklaces for a fortune. So easy to make and ship. Just some ideas I am mulling over.

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