Friday, August 01, 2014

Truth

I've been putting off this post for a while but I didn't want to confuse anyone so I just wanted to let you guys know the adoption with the boys didn't work out.  I don't want to get into the specifics about it due to privacy issues and not knowing who reads my blog but I will say the boys were great kids, it had nothing to do with them, but they were way more than I could handle, Brian was and still is crazy about them, but we are on the same page about our decision. 

We are still pursuing foster/adoption, I think one kid is the way to go for me, which is hard in the foster care world because most kids come with siblings.  I've thought about this so much and continue to think on it daily.  The one thing I realized in our experience is if for some reason this doesn't work out, I'm okay with it.  I have a new peace with my infertility.  That said I hope it does work out for us, I still long for the proper placement for us, I hope it will happen.

I've been putting off writing about it because I feel a lot of guilt (though trust me, relief trumps all) and I don't need a bunch of judgement regarding it.  It's really hard to know someone's experience unless you walk in their shoes.  We are all very different people.  What you can handle, I may not be able to handle, and the same in reverse.  This was the best way to go, all things considered, it happened on our first overnight so nothing was drawn out, they never lived with us, the trauma, I'm not saying it's not there, but I think it's minimal.  I've been turning down placements since then because the last thing I want to do is falter again and nothing has hit me with YES I can do that forever (one did but a different placement was found).  That said, if we get the right call, I'm in it 100%, and I really hope that opportunity comes along.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Sunbird, No!

It's a sad day in the Just Nesting household.

My crazy over-adored Anthropologie Sunbird sheets ripped last night. 



Thank god it was on my side so I have only myself to blame.  They were quite the investment and I knew they wouldn't last forever.  I should have bought a spare pair for this sad occasion but I will have to make due with boring sheets until Anthropologie or someone else comes out with adorably patterned sheets that make my heart sing once again.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Oh, Summer

It's kind of a bummer but we broke down last night and bought a window unit.

Every year we have to have our HVAC repaired.  I don't understand it, why can't it be fixed long enough to last a summer (or 2 or 3).  And this year money has been tight so we've been putting it off and putting it off and a couple of mid-90 humid days (the nights are really the worst) and we can't get our air lower than 79 degrees by the time we go to bed, it's been frustrating.  Since we know this time we don't want a quick fix or whatever the hell they do to our machine every year, we decided to take matters into our own hands until we can afford the big fix (all new duct work?) and buy this little fella.



Last night we slept deep and with all our covers on.  It was magical.  The added benefit is it's another mid-90s day and the house is currently 75 degrees, a downright miracle!  I have our bedroom door open and our little machine on low and it's supplementing the house cooling to make it downright comfortable in the house.

I also was able to move the window alarm and this afternoon we'll deal with additional security and I think I have to get some matchstick blinds because I can't close the curtains anymore (last night I used a towel concoction). 

It's ugly and it makes me feel bad because our central air isn't doing the job it's supposed to do but you know we aren't selling this house anytime soon and when we can resolve this problem, maybe for next summer, we will.  Until then, we're making due and it makes life so much more comfortable.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Let's Hang Out

In the land of 2 and 3 years old "play" means all of us, as in foster mommies and their friends (us).  "Hanging out," means alone with no foster mommies.  This is the term they use, for example, when they are babysat, they are "hanging out" with the babysitter.

I never realized how much I use the term hanging out until recently.  One the beach I innocently asked M (the 3 year old), "Is the giraffe hanging out with us," totally not thinking about the power of the words I just spoke.  He looked at me terrified and physically backed off a little.

"...I mean playing, look he's playing with us."

Whew.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Beach Trip

We took them to the beach yesterday.  The beach was the one place where I thought, oh this will be easy.  I've spent my life from a beach chair watching other people's children and kids just seem to "get" going to the beach.  How many countless kids have I watched run from the surf as it approaches in full on laugh only to chase the receding water again.  Peace of cake.

Then it turns out the 3 year old is afraid of the ocean and the 2 year old runs at the water like he's a surfer about to dive in and paddle out into the waves.   He doesn't get that the wave will knock him down and possibly drown him.  So one of us stays on shore to play with the sand and the other one keeps the 2 year old from diving into the Atlantic Ocean.

Suddenly my fantasy of watching my children from a beach chair is kind of bullshit.  The tide is coming in and the 3 year old is freaking out, he will only stand behind our line of chairs.  I can get him to sit between my chair and his tiny chair to play with the sand.  We make 3000 molds of dolphins and I catch a glimpse of Brian pulling the little one from a wave about to take him out.

Yeah, this is going to be different but it's still going to be great. 

Friday, May 16, 2014

First Date

I'm still trying to process my emotions.  I'm kind of all over the place.  When we left Brian asked me if he did okay and started crying.  He was ready to take the boys home and so am I.  I just really hate all this waiting and stretching all this out.  I have to defer to those who have schooling and training for this sort of thing, I have to trust they know what's best but I personally feel like a quicker transition is better.  It's been over 3 weeks since our caseworker asked us to look at their photos and decide if we want to meet them, which we did immediately.  From there it took over 3 weeks to meet the boys.  Now we won't see them for another week.  From there I just don't know how long everything takes.  I hope the line in the sand doesn't keep moving but it just feels like we can't get any traction.  Obviously by next Friday or weekend they are not going to remember us and we have to start all over again.

And I wanted to be upset and mad about all that but then we heard that friends of ours who have been fostering 2 kids for over a year went into a court hearing that was to terminate parental rights (the last step in a long line of steps before you can start adoption proceedings).  A family member came into court and the judge granted the family member who hasn't been in the picture for the past year custody rights.  I can't even imagine the devastation our friends are going through.   They've been with these kids for over a year and were ready to adopt and now their kids who they considered their own are gone.  This is the worst case scenario for folks like us looking to adopt through foster care.  Obviously placing children with family members is the best way to go but that should happen quickly, not over a year after they have been placed with a foster family who wants to adopt.

All the sudden waiting a couple months for your kids to come home with you doesn't sound so bad.

Monday, May 12, 2014

The Boys Beds

It doesn't look like I'm going to be able to design the boys' bedroom the way I would like but if I could this is what I'd do:

The Boys Beds


I would also make new curtains, I'll probably do that anyway.  I've looked all over and I still come back to this fabric



It's a pretty expensive endeavor, at $17.50 a yard, and Spoonflower is not big on coupons, so I'll keep my eyes open to see if there's something I like equally (or about $7/yd less).  I like the idea of the arrows, to try to keep as much of the "camping" theme as I originally was going for.